For Dad

I am yelling at my father

He didn't expect us

He only wears his hearing aids when company comes

I am trying to keep my voice and posture as natural as possible while being as loud as I can

I tell myself I come for my daughters

That this is memory making

And it is, for them

But it is for me, too

I need humanness

I need his whole humanity

I want to open my mouth and swallow his whole life

To make his memories my own

I need to know his failures,

And I need him to know mine

I need him to see my small successes, 

trying to make him wear their shoes on his ears, to hear his best Donald duck impersonation

I need him to see my beginnings and forgive me in advance for the failings  he will not see but knows better than

I do myself

I need to thank him

For the crack in the cosmic egg

For no man is an island

For the books on the shelf

For the consideration of aliens

I need to say "I'm fucked up!"

And I need him to say "I know!"

Instead I yell

"Should we order pizza?" 

in my best speaking voice

Yes. 

We should eat it and love it.

We are still here.